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an old codger i used to work with at hel depot once took me aside ‘you need to blonde it up a little so you can get a boyfriend’…i find myself thinking about this a lot as of late. is that really what it takes? in this day & age, do men STILL find strong/confident women upsetting or intimidating? are we stunning from afar but too much a threat to their ego up close? i would love to find a geeky man that can fix my computer, quote star wars, occasionally put me in my place…
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i don’t know…just feeling a little lost & anxious & alone & like i don’t matter…to me, even. i don’t feel ‘small’, so i know its not the bottom end of bipolar. and i don’t really feel manic, but i guess i could best describe it as a weird bit of rapid-cycling. wish i could give it a better name or description, but for once i’m kinda at a loss for words. awkward, right? i still can’t get him out of my mind & i think i may have made it clear to him tonight that i’d like to be a mommie. who knows, tho…boys can be amazingly dense somedays.
i want rollerskates…now
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i hate fez…he is just NEVER going to promote me. in 37 years, i have never had someone hate me so completely. this is epic hatred! i have no leadership skills?!?!?! dude fukk you and the underground tunnel you crawled through to get here you short sonovabitch! gawd, mike offered to pay my dmv fines so i could get my license back-how classic is that? i should repay him by paying for a divorce lawyer… ew! i just saw elisa from my hell depot days,..gawd i don’t like her…AT ALL!!! ok, back to right now. so mike has been transferred out of my life, and it’s killing me. not 3 minutes after hugging him goodbye on friday i was in tears. it’s so funny to me that just 4 months ago when he got to my store i hated him…now, not seeing him on a regular basis breaks my heart. that man EARNED my respect, and now he’s gone. then i talk to my babysis later that night…our dad is sick, like possibly dying sick. thirty+ years of various addictions eating away at his insides. my babysis is so freaked out by this and she has every reason to be. she’s rasinfin 3 kids…she doesn’t have time to take care of our dad & babybro also. i may have to put myself on hold…move to the 951 to take care of them. i HATE the 951…why would anyone want to move to a city-sized methlab? and jenner is about to get evicted…and then johanna calls with craziness out in savannahGA. thankfully, johanna has found the strength i always knew lay inside her and pulled hersself up by her garterbelt and is turning from scared grrl into the young woman she needs to be…for herself, for her soo-to-be-born child. this makes me happy and quite proud of her. i love her. one less thing to completely stress over. i guess i’m just not really doing so well right now.
i’ve been so tired lately, i’m really just getting too old for working so fukking hard. i feel so drained, all the time. i need to sleep for like a week straight, then maybe, just maybe, i’ll feel better, but i’m guessing not.
i miss him, and he says he misses me. that makes me a little happy, but it’d makes me happier if i could see him. we were supposed to go out when he got off work saturday night, but he ended up working night so that didn’t happen :( and with him moving to a new store just going out for a beer or anything becomes much more difficult.
grrrrr
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seriously, how can one feel so forlorn about a place u’ve been a ttl of 4 days? i would do something pretty drastic 2 b not in cali anymore. saw skynyrd 4 the 1st time last night, pretty damned amazing. course i’m singing sweet home louisiana, cuz man i just think about it & i just want to be gone from here in the worst way. then there’s this whole jake ryan issue. he flirts, i flirt, it goes nowhere fast & we never really get 2 talk as much as i’d like. wish the world would just go away 4 a while. he liked my haircut, so that’s excellent, but gawd i miss him & with my new duties i hardly ever see him so that makes me sad. it still seems as tho he finds random reasons 2 need my help & when he does we do seem 2 have some rather bizarre open-hearted discussions. perhaps he’s cautious cuz i know he has some rather definite immediate plans 4 his life & that’s ok, just wish i was better @ reading minds.
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learned something new @wk this week…cash office. i now have codes to 2 safes with literally $1000z in cash in them & i have to count it all & put it all in the right places. crazy! i think i can now effectively do EVERYTHING in that store…but my dm still won’t promote me. i’m certain it’s cuz i’m funny-lookin’. so what did i do yesterday? went & dyed part of my hair green. THAT will show him! lmao! as for jake ryan, he’s still teasing me & i get him right back…fkn dork…SNF!!!
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rocketboom:
#11. Axolotl
Axolotl, or the Mexican neotenic mole salamander is quite unique. While other amphibians are born with gills as larvae and breathe air as adults, Axolotl retains its larval attributes, including its gills through maturity. Also, it looks like a Mudkip.
(via The Science Channel)
dude, i am SO in love with this little guy…must find more info…
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think i got this figured out…who knows…i still find rambling on soulpancake pretty amusing. so over this heat…it’s one hundred & stupid out again today. i HATE hot. whioe getting dressed i decided to put on my only bright shirt…and, as it turns out, the most see-thru shirt i own. one look in the mirror told me that the standard leopard print bra was a bad idea…lol. basic blakk shows up slightly less. yeah, i think my brain is a little too overheated still to be writing anything hilarious… ciao!
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good day @ work…busy, productive. and then came time to clock out which is when i found out that a cuntomer(yes, i spelled it that way for a reason) that i helped 4 hours earlier called to bitch about me for 15 minutes. she wanted to let management know that i had helped her check out her groceries, that i saw she was having a problem with the computer, that i greeted her and offered my assistance, that i quickly figured out what went wrong and explained to her why the checkout was doing what it was doing, that i fixed the problem in a timely manner, that i asked her if she needed any further assistance, that i thanked her for shopping and told her to have a nice day in a polite & professional manner. so what was she reeling from that she just HAD to call about 4 fkn hours later, you ask…my tattoos scared her. fkn cunt…
